The Night I Found Julien Baker I Almost Wrote This Song

by William White

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I was combing through youtube videos one night a while back and stumbled across Julien Baker's tiny desk concert. This was the first time I had ever heard of her. Her lyrics and voice were so vulnerable, honest, and exciting that I fell in love with her artistry immediately. Most of the time, when I write my best songs it's when I get a deep feeling and just suddenly have to write to get it out. The Night I Found Julien Baker I Almost Wrote This Song. But, I had plans with friends and didn't have time to actually sit down and write. So I left it to maybe never be written. Almost every other time that I've sat down to listen to her music I've felt a wealth of emotions and have been pushed to the edge of writing a song, but I never did. Cut to about a week or so ago: I was feeling melancholy (as I usually am these days) and a little down about missing Minnesota, Morris, and most importantly my friends. I was chatting with one of them and they weren't great either, but I tend to keep how I'm feeling pretty veiled (until I write a song about it) so I was looking for things to distract myself. I was bummed, they were bummed, but then I saw someone share a newer Julien Baker song, Funeral Pyre, on Facebook. I had heard it already because she played it in the tiny desk several months earlier, but I chose to sit and listen to it anyway. Perhaps indulging in my slightly unhealthy mental behaviors more than I should have, but as soon as the song started everything hit me. I had a song. I picked up my guitar at 2 in the morning, played as quietly as I could to not wake my roommates or disturb our neighbors in our apartment complex, and wrote this song. I am so very grateful for where I am and for who I have supporting me and keeping me in their thoughts. I think of you all daily and I hope that this song gets across, at least, a little of how I'm feeling. Love you all.


It all feels too heavy
How could I even cope with the thought of forgetting
That the best in us
The best of us
Are 2,000 miles away
From the rest of us
The rest of us just have to stay

It all feels so hopeless
I’m cycling out of my mind trying to focus
On the best in us
The best of us
Seem the better choice to me
But the rest of us
The rest of us don’t agree

It all feels like bull shit
Gets harder and harder to tell if it’s worth it
Cos the best in us
The best of us
Couldn’t pick out the best from the rest no
The rest of us
Rest of us only think about things too far after their gone
Can’t decide whether or not we want to move on
And the best in us
The best in us
Might as well bury itself in the ground
Cos the rest of us
The rest of us
Could really use the rest of us around

It all feels conflicting
I want it so bad but I can’t help admitting
That the worst in us
The worst of us
Won’t ever leave me alone
And the best of us
The best of us x2
Are the best of us yet


released January 19, 2017


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William White Los Angeles, California

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